Sure, there are little ways we attempt to make that happen - a glass of wine after the kids go to bed, a walk around the block, a chat on the phone with a friend - but what I'm referring to here is the stop everything and focus on yourself kind of time. Without making it an extremely conscious effort, that is often impossible.
And then something happens that pretty much makes that decision for you.
A few weeks ago, I reached up to give my husband a hug. I wrapped my hands around his neck, relaxed my back and the next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor with Ricky above me asking "What just happened?"
I had blacked out.
I've experienced that feeling where you stand up and feel dizzy as the blood rushes through your body too quickly. This was not that. I lost consciousness - albeit just for a few seconds - but that short instant sent fear coursing through my veins. When I came to and saw panic smeared across Ricky's face, I was extremely worried. I wasn't sure what had happened. I wasn't confident that it wasn't going to happen again. He called 911 and as we waited for EMS all I could think of was how unsteady I felt. I was scared. So scared that I told him how much I loved him and how much I loved the boys. Yeah, I know.
Fast forward a few weeks - I've been through the ringer. CT scans, blood-work, 24-hour heart monitor, fertility tests, more blood-work, doctors appointments, echo-cardiogram, you name it. The good news is everything checked out okay. Although they ruled out any heart or brain issues, they couldn't find any explanation for the blackout...which is quite frustrating. I think most people would agree that answers, causes, are comforting. They let you plan and prepare.
While I don't have the luxury of knowing why the blackout happened, I did take it as a sign that I needed to take it easy. Perhaps it was stress. This whole infertility issue (another "unexplained" ailment) has taken a huge toll on me emotionally which could very likely be starting to effect me physically. I knew in my heart that I needed to CALM DOWN.
So, I've been worrying less, laughing with my family and friends more and trying my best to put myself first. In turn, I'm hoping this will positively impact my health in many ways. And who knows, maybe I'll even have some good news to share in the coming months! ;)