October 29, 2011

Moving Forward

The week following my miscarriage was a struggle for me. The only other time I can remember feeling that emotional, that unglued, and that so completely hopeless was when Aiden was born. I kept telling myself all the cliche supposed-to-make-you-feel-better phrases:

That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

God doesn't give you anything you can't handle...

It wasn't meant to be...

Time heals all wounds...

Yada yada yada...blah blah blah

But the truth is, most of those are right, it's just hard to believe them - and even harder to hear them - when you are in the very heart of the despair that's bringing you down.

I constantly had a million things clogging my head and pulling me in opposite directions. All of which were keeping me from pulling myself together. I felt sorry for myself, then was disgusted that I couldn't realize the blessings I'd already been given. I felt physically and emotionally exhausted, then extremely guilty for not being "present" for my kids. The negativity spun around in my head all day, every day, until I made a desperate plea for help.

I called my mom :)

Even though my husband has been AMAZING throughout all of this, there are just some things that only a momma can make better. A few days after my subtle (not-so-subtle) hints, my wonderful mom had boarded a plane and was at my doorstep.

Honestly...I am blessed.

Ten days later my spirits have been lifted and my faith restored. Maybe it was the extra time my husband had allowed me to have to myself while he took on extra responsibilities at home. Maybe it was my mom being by my side to kill time and listen to me ramble. Or just maybe, it is true that time heals all wounds.

I am truly grateful for all the ways people have shown support - through phone calls, emails and by just being there if and when I need to talk. For now, we are gonna take one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. And I am going to continue to pray for baby #3.






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